“Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience,” Mr. Cobra Bubbles, the social worker from Lilo & Stitch.
Over the past three years my husband and I have been in social services adoption purgatory.
We began the process in 2009 after our second term miscarriage. Along the way we faced red tape snafus, lost paperwork and a social worker who barely communicated and blew off visits.
I used to cry from frustration and pangs of hurt over the process and our desire for a child. We watched with bittersweet joy as friends who started the process long after we did zipped through with private adoptions and brought home little ones to love.
Now that we’ve had a biological child, it feels as if social services is stalking us to adopt.
Calls are returned in a flash.
They send tons of correspondence.
They beg to visit.
The thing is, though we still strongly feel called to adopt, our experience has put a sour taste in our mouths in dealing with social services.
We’re talking about an agency that dangled the promise of two sweet little children in front of us (one of whom had severe disabilities) and a “rush” on our paperwork if we took them.
Ultimately, we turned down the placement because we felt the baby with special needs really needed a stay at home parent to advocate for him.
It was one of the toughest choices we ever made.
Sometimes I look out at the night sky and pray that those kids found a loving home with parents who are equipped to care for them.
And because the rules very fairly prevent pregnant couples from adopting through social services, any upcoming decision we make on that front will be determined, in part, by the success or failure of our upcoming IVF.
Our hearts are big enough to love a ton of kids. Our house can only accommodate two or three.
Lots to weigh in the upcoming weeks…