Love and letting go

“If you love something, set it free. If it returns it was meant to be.” Unknown

I’ve lived long enough to truly understand that this adage applies not just to romantic love but the things the heart pursues…sometimes to our downfall.
I wanted to get pregnant, desperately.
But getting pregnant for us is an expensive and extremely difficult feat.
Being pregnant for me means months of hospital visits, home nurse visits, a stomach pump, and debilitating illness.
Was it worth it the first time around?
Yes, a thousand times yes.
Should we continue to pursue this dream? Or should we set it free?
I can’t help but see a sign and answer in the out-of-the-blue call we received from social services begging us to become emergency placement foster parents.
My husband took the call at work and let them know that we’d mull it over, but the IVF process takes so much out of us we’re not sure if we’re up to taking in a little one.
When he told me it was as if a needle scratched a record.
Wait, we can’t take in a baby in need because we need to have a baby?
All of a sudden things became so clear.
The Universe gives us what we need and what we’re meant to have in the shape that best fits divine purpose.
It’s like our frustrating house hunt. We’ve put our lovely little starter home on the market and have bid unsuccessfully for larger fixer uppers in our dream neighborhood. These are homes that need a ton of work but are zoned for good schools and have many bedrooms that we hope to fill with children.
But the truth is those children may be a ways off, as is our kiddo’s first day of preschool. And do we really need to add a renovation to our already hectic schedules…
When parsing the dilemas, I’m reminded of a job I once had that seemed prestigious but where I was treated horribly. The daily onslaught on my self esteem was so constant that it took a toll on my health. I even began to believe I deserved this treatment.
But one day I was forced to step out on faith and get a new job. All of a sudden a new world opened up for me, one that included much better pay, hours, more responsibility, an even greater level of prestige, and work that truly used and affirmed my talents.
In each of these cases, the thing that I loved needed to be released so that greater blessings could return in the shape the Creator intended.
So I am releasing the illusion of control.
May love return and may I be wise and humble enough to recognize its return.

20120724-065916.jpg

Advertisements

About domesticpolichick

My life is a crazy jumble of sitcom-level domestic hijinks and fast-paced political reporting in the nation's capital. Breastfeeding while doing a phone interview with a senator...yep, I've done it and no, I won't reveal the name. Toddler calling a member of Congress on the cell..yeah, that really did happen. Pregnant in high heels on Capitol Hill trying to chase down a particularly grumpy senator, yeah...that was nuts. But what can I say? I'm just one domestic polichick trying to figure out the work-life balance.
This entry was posted in Diapers and Deadlines, House Rules, In the Oven and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s