I am torn.
You see, we’d love a second child.
But I’m loathe to put myself through another physically draining and expensive IVF treatment followed by another high risk hyperemesis gravidarum pregnancy. I’ve already lost two children to issues related to this disease. Z lagged behind physically in utero for months because of this disease.
Is it fair to put another child at risk?
I have serious longterm dental and other health problems after months spent vomiting and not gaining any weight during much of my last pregnancy.
To this day, I have nightmares about the painful stomach pump I had to use for months to administer the sane nausea quelling meds chemo patients use. Is it wise to risk my own health just to get pregnant?
And after a three year long rocky road with social services we’ve parted ways. After watching friends and loved ones sail through the adoption process via agencies we decided that it would be better if we too worked with a private adoption agency.
But that’s also a pricey and risky route.
The desire for another child is made all the more profound by the bumper crop of babies all around us. As I write this we’re expecting a new nephew any minute. Another is due in two weeks. We were lucky enough to host our newborn adopted niece and her parents in our home last week as they awaited the all clear to take her out of state. Two newborn cousins were born within the last two months. And several parent pals from our daughter’s play group are now pregnant with their second children.
Little old ladies on the street and in stores take one look at Z, tell me she’s cute, and ask when she’s gonna get a brother or sister.
That’s a good question.
A better question is how…
We just don’t know.