A long time ago, I made a promise to myself to live an authentic life. To look within and ask the tough questions, get quiet and listen for the answers, and move toward my own truth…no matter how uncomfortable.
My internal compass has become quite honed at telling me when I’m veering off course. And when I’m in danger of hitting the rocks, my inner voice screams directions on how to check myself before I wreck myself.
And, if for whatever reason these systems fail, I welcome the clarity of vision and openness of heart of good friends who will set me straight…with no chaser.
I have learned that not everyone is comfortable with unvarnished truth.
But true connections, the ones I value, not only can withstand truth telling but are improved by it.
I once knew a woman whose partner’s chronic infidelity was a constant source of heartbreak. He left her in her third trimester of pregnancy and didn’t return until the baby was several months old.
He had a key to her apartment which allowed him to treat both she and her home as a crash pad during the week in between his weekend, pot and booze-filled sexcapades.
He balked at paying adequate child support
He gave her an incurable STD.
And still she held on because she was so attached to this fantasy of living life as a happy family with the father of her child.
When she’d ask advice I’d often ask her if she really heard herself, if she loved herself. If so, why would she behave in such an unloving way toward herself.
The friendship eventually ended because it became clear that she was comfortable living this way, was starting to say and do some unhealthy things, and wanted me to pretend that this was all normal.
We’ve all known people like this.
People who are so vested in living a lie that they will do anything to maintain the fabrication. That’s because we often become comfortable with familiar systems and are uncomfortable with change.
For people who’ve created false constructs for themselves, truth is change.
So, they’ll deny anything is wrong.
They surround themselves with people who are either so stuck in their own co-dependency that they’re afraid to speak truth to power or are living lies themselves and unable to move in truth.
And, if these people do have brief moments of clarity when they speak the truth of how they feel, they’ll deny those breakthroughs ever happened. Again, a vested interest in maintaining the comfortable lie.
They lash out at anyone who suggests that they are not living their truth.
But true relationships, both romantic and platonic, require honesty.
No matter how tough it is to tell it, hear it, and live it.
I try to have compassion for those who are caught in their own web of lies. We are all on our own journeys and it may be that one day they will come to their place of honesty.
But until then, for me, living authentically means that I only invite those who live, speak, and can hear truth into my space…into my life.
And my life is so much richer, brighter, fuller for inviting the cleansing power of truth to dwell within.